Science Scandal

Real science. Scandalous headlines. Every claim true.

Repeat offenders

The Rogue’s Gallery

No Species Is Above Suspicion!

Meet the named characters whose scientifically distinct appearances keep turning up across Science Scandal.

Portrait of Fred the Ant, a black ant standing confidently in a suit and tie while holding an open suitcase containing his wings.

The Fred Files

Fred the Ant

Ant (Family Formicidae)

Fred is a male ant living in a society almost entirely run by female workers.

While his sisters build nests, raise the young, find food, defend the colony, manage sanitation, navigate, relocate entire populations, make collective decisions, and occasionally invent agriculture, Fred can usually be found standing nearby with no useful qualifications whatsoever.

His biological purpose is reproduction. Unfortunately for Fred, that leaves him spectacularly underprepared for nearly everything else happening around the colony.

Fred is not lazy, malicious, or intentionally incompetent. He is simply a well-meaning male ant trapped in a civilization where everyone around him seems to have received considerably more job training.

Known “Charges”

  • Standing around while his sisters run the entire colony
  • Possession of no apparent job qualifications
  • Repeatedly being in the wrong place at the wrong time
  • Holding irrelevant objects during important operations
  • Unauthorized participation in highly specialized colony work
  • Interfering with tasks he does not understand
  • Displaying confidence wildly disproportionate to usefulness
  • Traveling with a tiny suitcase containing only his wings
  • Contributing nothing to construction, childcare, sanitation, agriculture, or defense
  • Waiting for the one assignment he is biologically qualified to perform

Current status: Standing nearby while his sisters run civilization.

“I’m helping.”

1 public scandal currently on file.

Read all Fred the Ant scandals
Stylized portrait of Vinnie Sugarbeak, a ruby-throated hummingbird with a bright red throat, green feathers, a tiny black fedora, and a stern expression, standing with an intimidating mob-boss attitude.

The Sugarbeak Files

Vinnie Sugarbeak

Ruby-throated hummingbird (Archilochus colubris)

Vinnie Sugarbeak is a ruby-throated hummingbird with the personality and visual identity of a tiny mafia boss.

He is fast, territorial, perpetually fueled by sugar, and deeply convinced that every flower and feeder within sight belongs to him. Other hummingbirds are not merely competitors. They are rival families attempting to move in on his nectar operation.

Vinnie embodies the startling contrast between a hummingbird’s beautiful appearance and intensely aggressive behavior. Humans may see an iridescent jewel hovering delicately beside a flower. Vinnie sees disputed territory, unpaid nectar debts, and an intruder who needs to be chased across three property lines.

Known “Charges”

  • Unlawful annexation of feeders and surrounding airspace
  • Intimidation of rival hummingbirds
  • Harassment of bees and other unauthorized nectar seekers
  • Monopolization of neighborhood sugar supplies
  • Operating a nectar-protection racket
  • Issuing threats while contributing nothing toward feeder maintenance
  • Treating every flower as part of his private supply chain
  • Repeated aerial pursuit across property lines
  • Referring to feeder owners as “sugar connections”
  • Appearing charming and polished immediately after an aerial brawl

Current status: At large and aggressively defending a sugar operation funded by someone else.

“Nothing personal. Just territory.”

1 public scandal currently on file.

Read all Vinnie Sugarbeak scandals